A writer makes his writing more readable by cutting unnecessary descriptors.

By David Cox

A few years ago, a writer named Carl contacted me about editing his first novel. He described it as “a thrilling tale set in a mythical world.” I asked him for the first three chapters as samples. This would help me determine what changes I would recommend.

Too Many Adjectives and Adverbs

Carl sent me his first three chapters. He described them as “vibrant, intense, and deeply atmospheric.” As I read through, I found numerous descriptions with too many adjectives and adverbs.

One sentence from the first page stood out to me:

“The incredibly tall, dark, and shadow-filled mountains stood menacingly over the small, quiet, hidden village, with gnarled, twisted trees reaching up to the pale, foggy sky.”

I decided to edit the first page and send a copy to Carl. Here’s how the above sentence now reads:

“The dark mountains loomed over the quiet village, with twisted trees reaching toward the foggy sky.”

This edited version would help readers visualize the setting. My goal was to help him prepare his manuscript for reading by a publisher. My first recommendation was to cut excessive adjectives and adverbs throughout his manuscript.

Carl’s Response

I didn’t hear from Carl for 10 days. I assumed he didn’t agree with my assessment. So, I moved on, feeling I wouldn’t hear from him again. When he called, I learned he passed my assessment on to a few close family members and friends. It disappointed him that they liked my edited version better than his original work.

Carl explained that some of his favorite writers inspired his descriptive style. His list included Charles Dickens, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Stephen King, and J.K. Rowling. I explained that these writers had spent years developing their styles.

I suggested the goal of his first novel should be a work that is direct, engaging, and readable. We agreed on terms, and I scheduled his manuscript for editing.

How to Cut Adjectives and Adverbs

We performed several steps in an editing process to improve Carl’s manuscript. But here are the primary steps taken to help him cut excessive adjectives and adverbs.

#1. Choose Strong Nouns and Verbs

Instead of “ran quickly,” I suggested using “sprinted.” Instead of “She looked at him angrily,” I suggested using “She glared at him.” This way, his writing could convey action and mood without adding extra words. A single, well-chosen word can be as vivid as a string of descriptors.

#2. Avoid Redundant Descriptions

This was the most common pitfall in Carl’s manuscript. I edited phrases like “a large, towering giant” and “whispered softly.” These extra words served little more than to clutter his writing. Let’s face it, giants are inherently large, and whispers are naturally soft.

#3. Limit Adjectives to One or Two per Noun

I also limited Carl’s use of adjectives to one or two per noun. In one scene, he described “the bright, warm, sunny beach.” We retained the imagery by simplifying it to “the warm beach.” By doing so, we enhanced pace and readability.

#4. Cut “Very” and “Really” from Your Writing

Carl also overused “very” and “really” in his sentences. So, I trimmed expressions like “really tired” and instead used “exhausted.” The descriptions felt bolder and more precise. Each revision made his writing crisper. We wanted to draw readers into the action rather than the adjectives and adverbs.

Progress and Transformation

Carl began to see the transformation in his work with each chapter. His story became less cluttered, and his sentences carried a new rhythm and flow. It allowed readers to immerse themselves in the story’s world without distraction. The once-modifier-heavy manuscript had found clarity, power, and directness.

Though initially reticent, Carl grew to appreciate the changes. He learned that he needed to let his writing “breathe.” This would allow his readers’ imagination to fill in the details. His story had room to speak and was no longer bogged down by excessive adjectives and adverbs.

As the project ended, Carl looked at his manuscript with newfound pride. “I never thought fewer words could say so much,” he said. We helped him cut his excessive adjectives and adverbs. Carl discovered a more engaging and memorable storytelling style by limiting adjectives and adverbs. One that he can claim as his own.

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David and Sharon Cox are the owners of Cox Editing Services. They specialize in copyediting and proofreading. Specifically, they help writers prepare their work for books, blog posts, feature articles, and public presentations.